I’ve crossed the finish line. The game long ago changed from a pleasurable shooting game to a chore. Night after night, my buddy and I would sigh deeply and pick up the sticks, just wanting to finish this game and get it on Ebay.
Army of Two had potential. The first game was a solid Co-op experience when there weren’t many. EA had two years to listen to the complaints and make them right by launch of the second game. They did fix a few things to improve the game, but did many more things to make it worse.
This game should have been advertised as Smash TV high def. That’s all it was. Enter a room, kill the guys in the room, move onto the next room.
On top of Smash TV high def, this game was ten hours of explosions. The explosions looked like shit too. If you’re bombing a city into rubble at least make it look good.
If I hadn’t taken time to listen to some of the audio-logs, I wouldn’t have a freaking clue about the storyline. I suppose the last “boss” guy pretty much sums up the story in 30 seconds, but its not a good one. Some crazy faction hates the way we live our life and instead of trying to diplomatically talk us into changing our lifestyle, they think that the only way to make us change is to bomb us to hell.
Buying guns really didn’t mean much because every shotgun, rifle, machine gun, and submachine gun felt exactly the same.
There was an overly complicated mask maker on EA online to change up your face mask, but it didn’t matter. You didn’t see the mask much and the characters were pulling the mask over their head during most the cut scenes.
The game was lazy, glitchty, and frustrating. The cover system often sent you jumping over your cover and into gun fire. Once you did get shot, you would slowly fall and roll all over the ground until finally the physics engine could flatten you out enough for you to be healed or use your pistol on the ground. Every time you started at a good pace the game would lock you in a room and throw dozens of guys down your throat until you just couldn’t fight anymore. Instead of giving a real challenge, the developers created horde mode to slow your progress.
That’s not the worst part. The worst part is the awful checkpoints they gave you. Sometimes you would fight through twenty minutes of shittiness, only to be gunned down by a heavy armored Gatling gun enemy who would kill you on the finish line.
I never want to play this game again. In fact, I hated the experience so much, that I probably won’t consider picking up the next Army of Two. Why bother? With EAs business model, since Army of Two isn’t surpassing sales, they will allow one more to be made, and then the development team will be fired weeks before its release.
That’s my prediction.
-Dan
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